


Same Sadness

by captainschmoop



Category: Jurassic Park III (2001)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 19:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainschmoop/pseuds/captainschmoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for  <a href="http://smallfandomfest.livejournal.com">smallfandomfest's</a> prompt: The scars on Billy's skin are the ones that healed; inside he's still an open wound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same Sadness

They kept him in the hospital a little over a week, monitoring him closely in case his body had a reaction to the combination of the medication and possible contamination in the wounds, due to _dinosaurs_ being the cause. Despite insisting he would be okay, that he'd had worse, Billy resigned himself to staring at the bland walls of his hospital room, wondering when he'd finally be released, wondering where he would go once free. 

Because going back to work with Alan — Dr. Grant — wasn't an option, not after what he'd done. Billy glanced out the window, frowning at the memory, at the _look_ he'd been given. So what if Alan smiled when he saw him in that chopper? It didn't mean he was forgiven; Dr. Grant was simply happy not to have lost another life to the whole InGen debacle. Hell, Dr. Grant never even came to check on him here, despite being admitted for a check up himself after their ordeal. That told Billy more than he needed to know. 

With a shaky sigh, he closed his eyes, brow furrowed. One more day. He only had to wait one more day to see if he could be released early. 

"Billy Brennan?" 

Billy opened his eyes, surprised, and stared at the woman in the doorway. Blond, almost professional, kind smile, but what struck him most was the fact that he knew her face. She waited in the doorframe, polite. 

"Dr. Sattler," he acknowledged, still confused. Belatedly, he remembered that she had married, but he couldn't for the life of him remember the guy's name. 

"Please, call me Ellie," she said, her smile growing warmer as she walked further into the room. "How are you holding up?" 

"A little stir crazy," Billy admitted, trying to push down his sudden nervousness. He had no reason to be nervous. 

"I'd imagine." Her face held nothing but sympathy as she sat in the only chair in the room. "How're you sleeping?" Ellie asked, genuinely concerned, a pinch to her eyes. 

The sudden image of her jolting awake at night, the ghosts of teeth and roars still fresh around the edges of her vision, gasping in fear like Alan had during those long excavations, like Billy himself now did, flashed in Billy's mind. 

He swallowed. "Why are you here?" he asked instead of answering. 

"Alan was worried," Ellie answered, unfazed by the change in subject. 

While he's grateful she didn't try to get him to talk about it, the answer confused Billy. "What does that have to do with anything?" 

She looked at him funny, a slight tilt to her head and a crease to her brow. "You're his friend," she said, as if the most obvious thing in the world. Then she huffed, annoyance crossing her features as she slouched in her seat. "He's been dodging the press since his release and didn't want to expose you to that, should anyone follow him here." 

"They've been hounding him?" Billy couldn't help but ask the question, blinking. He felt sluggish, both in mind and body, and he didn't understand why. 

"Unfortunately. They've gotten my comments already, even tried getting in touch with Ian, but ultimately, they want Alan." Her face wore a scowl, making her soft features seem harsh, but no less beautiful. Ellie had passion, and that passion made her presence indomitable. 

Billy could see why Alan had loved her. 

"Surviving both islands is fame worthy, I guess," he muttered, averting his eyes. He had no right to talk to her, no right to worry about the aftermath Alan had to face. 

Why was she here? 

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," Ellie said softly, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

"It's fine," he said, trying his best not to be short with her. It already took all he had to keep his heart from racing. 

"You almost died," Ellie said, pressing just a little more, her tone still soft. Her eyes held compassion. 

He didn't want it, didn't deserve it. "It's fine, really," he said again, giving her a smile that he didn't feel. "Water under the bridge." His voice shook on the word _water_ , but otherwise, he kept it surprisingly steady. 

Ellie only stared at him, neither buying his front nor challenging it further; her eyes seemed sad. Letting out a small sigh, she nodded. "I should let you rest." She gave him a small smile. "Don't worry, you'll be out soon enough." 

Billy just nodded, something tightening in his gut, and watched her go. When he heard the small click of the door closing, he sank into the bed, more exhausted than he felt during his stay. 

——— 

Morning came, and with it, his hope of leaving. Although his wounds were healing at a good rate, his doctors still insisted he stay a while longer. 

Billy didn't argue. He just closed his eyes and tried not to think of real-life dinosaurs baring their teeth or water rushing over him or, worse, Alan's — Dr. Grant's — disappointed face. 

——— 

Time escaped him somewhat as he drifted from restless sleep to detached wakefulness and back again. He ate their sorry excuse for food, insisted on going to the bathroom by himself, and stared out the window. Rarely did he turn on the tv; the possibility of seeing something relating to InGen or Dr. Grant made his mood, and his guilt, worse.

Blinking awake, Billy's brow creased, something about the room off to him, enough to wonder if he was still in the clutches of sleep. He glanced around the room, freezing when he noticed the figure slumped in the chair beside his bed, sleeping. 

Alan. 

For a moment, Billy thought he had to be dreaming — Alan wouldn't be there, wouldn't be in the same room as him — but the more he looked at him, the more Billy knew Alan was indeed in the room. The man looked exhausted, years older, as he dozed, arms folded and chin practically resting on his chest, which gently rose and fell in sleep. His hat sat upon his knee. 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Billy looked around, almost panicked, trying to think of why Alan would be dozing here. Did he have something to say to Billy? Was he in more trouble for taking those eggs? Was his career in paleontology over? 

So wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice Alan stirring, barely heard him groan as he sat up. Billy bit his bottom lip, too busy worrying to see Alan standing and moving to his side. He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder and stared as Alan immediately pulled away, mistaking the jump for pain. 

"Billy," Alan said, half a sigh, and gave him a small smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry I haven't visited before now." At Billy's confused stare, Alan, continued. "Ian did a favor by agreeing to an interview. 'Course, I think the interviewer is going to regret that." 

It seemed like small talk, and Billy held his breath, waiting for the axe to fall.

His silence only made Alan's brow crease, though, and he cleared his throat. "I really am sorry," he said, softer and tentative, "for everything." 

Billy made a noise, something like a scoff, surprising both himself and Dr. Grant. 

"Billy, I mean it," Alan said, firm this time, stepping even closer to the bedside. "When I saw you jump, when you went down the river..." His voice broke, and he had to close his eyes. Billy stared, horrified, as Alan continued. "I never wanted that conversation to be the last we ever had. Billy, I didn't mean it. You're better than— "

"Dr. Grant," he whispered, shocked at how hoarse his voice was, but he had to say something; he couldn't listen to Alan's attempts at mollifying him, at assuring him he wasn't like InGen. Because Alan's face as he said those words spoke volumes. 

Alan briefly pressed his lips into a thin line, a gleam to his eyes Billy couldn't read. "You are better than them," he stated, "and you'll have the scars to prove it." He gestured to the light bandages Billy wore, and there was a pinch to his eyes, as if looking at them made Alan hurt. "When I thought you were dead, I didn't know what to do. I just stared out into space. Billy, believe me when I say I didn't mean it, that I just spoke out of anger and hurt." 

Pausing to take a steadying breath, Alan placed his hand on the back of Billy's head, gentle and caring, and smiled. Genuine. "And when I saw you in that helicopter, Billy, I almost, I almost collapsed with relief." His smile turned sheepish, but his words still rang genuine. 

Dumbfounded, Billy stared, his eyes stinging as something blurred his vision. To his horror, he realized it was tears — he was fucking crying, now of all times. He tried to look away because the last thing he wanted was to show how weak he really was, to prove Alan's words true, as Billy knew them to be, but Alan wouldn't let him. "Alan, I..." He didn't even know what he wanted to say, the way Alan looked at him unnerving. 

Alan hadn't wanted to look at him for too long after he found out Billy stole the eggs, but now Alan looked at him as if he were the world. As if he deserved to be considered even a fraction of that. 

"I did you a disservice, Billy, and I will make it up to you," Alan promised, his free hand grabbing one of Billy's, squeezing it gently. The thumb of hand holding the back of Billy's head smoothed down his hair. 

Closing his eyes, Billy didn't try to stop the tears as they fell, and he found himself gripping Alan's hand like a lifeline. "Thank you," he said quietly. He didn't believe he deserved Alan's kindness, but he didn't want to refuse it either. Billy still wasn't sure this wasn't a dream, so he let himself indulge in the comfort he was unworthy of for a moment. 

Selfish, he was always selfish. 

"Billy," Alan said, waiting until Billy opened his eyes before continuing, "I'm not going anywhere." 

The tears continued, and Billy could only let them fall as he stared at their clasped hands, hoping Alan meant it and trying not to think of waking up tomorrow alone. 

——— 

Blinking awake, Billy's brow creased, not used to feeling so at ease after sleep. In the middle of stretching, Billy froze, staring at Alan, his head resting in his folded arms as he slept on Billy's hospital bed. Billy's mouth fell open, and his eyes stung once more. Yesterday wasn't a dream. 

Alan himself looked better rested, and Billy leaned back into the pillows, letting a smile spread itself on his lips, almost believing that things were going to be okay, that he could be forgiven. 

Closing his eyes and allowing himself to simply enjoy Alan's presence, Billy swore to himself that he'd make it up to Alan, that he'd find a way to thank him for not casting him out completely. Billy began to doze again, thoughts of the island, for once, far from his mind.


End file.
